Samantha lived in a beautiful home in the village with her mother and father, and older siblings Julianne and Jeremy. They had it all. A nice warm home, inviting family, and a small community to grow in. What more could they have asked for? Well, the mother and father wanted something more. They wanted to live in a bigger town. One that had a mall, and more things at their disposal. That is the first grim event that happened to Samantha. She was ripped from the very home she knew at the very tender age of 5.
In the new town, Samantha's new home was not built yet, so her family had to live with her fathers boss while her house was in progress. Along came her birthday, and the little family went to a hotel in order to celebrate this little gems special event. As her father and brother and sister were singing "Happy Birthday", her mother brought out her cake. Samantha cried an awful mess of tears, as she belted out, "Point in the direction of home, and I'll walk". Now this would have been quite a feet since their old home would have been 14 hours driving by car.
As Samantha grew up, she slowly saw her family disintegrate. Her brother and sister were both acting out against each other, and so began the fights. It was all new to her, she had no idea what to expect. Samantha really didn't know who to turn to. She knew that her friends couldn't help. They were children too, what would they be able to do that she couldn't herself. So she started to talk with her teacher. By this time, Samantha was 10 years old.
For a little while, things seem to calm down at home. There was less fights, and more happy things to pay attention to. In grade 6, she was asked by her friends if she would like to join the sports teams with them. Samantha wasn't really interested in the away games. She had heard what possible things could happen on such trips. All the things she heard sounded horrible and juvenile. She declined their invitation.
Then her friends had also invited her to the school dances. Her impression of these school dances was loosely based on all the school dances she had seen on television. In each and every scenario the way that the dances would be constructed would be boys on one side, girls on the other. In all fairness, that did not seem to be the kind of dance that young Samantha wanted to be involved in. Yet again, she declined.
A new girl had entered Samanthas grade, a Miss Nadine Darling. That was all fine and dandy, but the events to happen following led Samantha to wonder if it was herself that was the problem, or the presence of the new girl.
What exactly happened to get Samantha all in a huff? Did Nadine steal her friends? Yes. Did Nadine make her feel bad about her identity? Yes. Did Nadine make her wonder if she had any fashion sense? Yes. Did Nadine make her wonder if she could go on living? Yes.
And how did Nadine do all this you might ask? Well it was quite simple to do since due to all the fights at home, Samanthas ego was not at 100% anymore. All Nadine had to do was to convince Samantha's friends that Samantha was in a lower league than the rest of them, and was not to be dealt with any longer. It was obvious that Samantha did not have what they were looking for in a friend. She could not deal with practical jokes played on her, she could not deal with idle belittlement, and she could not handle the activities that they had involved themselves in. She was not suitable to be friends with them, no longer.
Samantha became really depressed. She was losing her sense of family, her sense of friends, and she was beginning to lose her sense of identity. Eventually her parents divorced. Her family split up and moved in every single direction except closer together. She got older, and lived her life pretty much alone. She had picked up a few friends along the way, but always with the understanding that even the best of friends can't be there forever.
When she started high school, things seemed to be changing for Samantha. She had a few friends. A boy she idolized, and her father had moved in with his girlfriend, and her two children. She hoped that maybe this could be the beginning of the childhood family she had longed for.
That is how it started, but that is not how it ended. In her step family, she felt as if she had inadvertently separated from the rest of her family. She felt extremely guilty, and took it out on her step family. After a while, her friendships felt the same way as her home life. She became detached from her friends, and after long deliberation decided to move to a far away city to live with her mother and step father.
It was her last year of high school, and she instantly made new friends. She didn't go out too much, but she talked to them on a daily basis. Yet again, everything seemed to be going perfect. She graduated high school, and all of a sudden, the boy she had idolized from not too long ago appeared in her life again. She was astonished and wanted to be as close to him as possible.
It was quite unfortunate that she would be leaving so soon for college. They had so much to reveal about all that happened since their last meeting. And then, Samantha made up her mind. She decided to give herself to her object of her attention. It was quite unlike she had expected. It was too uncomfortable, and she was clueless as to what was really happening. She left feeling confused, and a tad careless.
Samantha left for college leaving behind her family and the life that she once knew. It was her time to change and begin a future worthy of looking to. She did so, until she heard the news. She was pregnant. What was she going to do? She didn't believe in abortion, or adoption. The only option it seemed to be was to keep the baby, and figure things out along the way. She would have to leave college, but where would she go. She went to live with her fathers mother. Both felt at a loss for life (her grandmother had just lost her grandfather not to long ago), and both needed to be put back in their place. It seemed to be the perfect way to reignite passion back in their lives.
It didn't work. It only proved to Samantha that things were really bad.
Her daughter was born and Samantha named her Ruby. Due to financial difficulty Samantha had to move back in with her mother and step father. That was a recipe for disaster. Samantha was not in the best shape, and she did not know how to take care of a child. It was all new to her, how was she expected to take care of this infant. Somehow Samantha was not penetrated by the babies scent.
Samantha really wanted things to work out with Ruby's father, even though he had moved a month before Ruby was born, so she went out East to see what could be seen. It was a disaster. The boy she once idolized soon became the boy she could not stand. She left as quickly as possible, and tried and tried to never look back.
Now, Samantha is in university. She has looked back on her life, and looks around and she sees the place she landed up in. She wonders often if she would have ended up here anyway, regardless of anything she could have done to prevent it. Its not too hard to imagine why Samantha feels so unclear of her future ambitions. All her life nothing has ever been too concrete. She has always felt that the ground was forever moving from underneath her, and always at the most inopportune times. She has wanted to be a marine biologist, a journalist, a teacher, an actor, a poet, a writer, a dancer, a fashion designer, and a singer. Now Samantha wants to be a librarian. . . next time, we will see how that works out for her.