I hear you.|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Sunday, February 26th, 2006|
Really, I have no surance that here is someone really listen to somebody.
But anyhow, I am new at LJ, maybe I need to learn to trust its users, aha.
I need to say it to somebody, perhaps not only for myself.
Some time ago I faced with one of the hardest problem ever found, faer. I did not think about it earlier, but now something happened - I know what it is like - when it paralyses you suddenly, reasonless, and you have nothing to do. Or - maybe worse - when the faer of tht one you love kills it or making mad.
I guess this topic may interest not only myself... So if you are tired of that, or if you want to understand it at last, or even try to do something with - find that place. http://community.livejournal.com/purify_the_fear/profile
I do. So maybe I am not alone to...
|Saturday, February 26th, 2005|
Your help will make a difference
First of all sorry if following is offtopic. Really.
My name is Andrew Skolov and I'm from Russia. I have a wife and alittle daughter. I'll write more about myself in my LJ (which I've just started and I'll appreciate new friends greatly), so if anyone would like to know me better - check my blog.
The reason why I've decided to turn to you, people, is a bit different.
Last years I'm becoming more and more concerned about rather sad changes in society. Sometime just before the New Year I had a conversation with a friend of mine. We were talking about modern world, about human's place in it, about relations between people. And my friend said that unfortunately relations between the people are not improving despite the lessons of history, general progress, improvement of communication means and everything else. Moreover, people are loosing trust in each other, people become suspicious. He said that helping others, especially strangers (independantly of their situation and nature), is often taken as "being dum and naive", that human kind is becoming "suspicious, evil and fraudulent", that people tend to exploit each other and are using for that most sacred sides and qualities of the human nature. We talked and discussed this subject till the morning.
Such appeared and idea of my "Funds For Fun" project. It has two goals. Primarily I want to proove people who think similar to that friend of mine (who is just a great blocke, mind you) wrong. And secondly I hope to improve my own well-being and to make all kinds of nice things to my family, to my friends and to help those who are in need.
I'd really appreciate if you visit my site (its my first one BTW so please be indulgent), especially main and "About" pages and probably take part in the project. Also if you can publish link to that site everywere you can and to tell about my project to as many people as possible - that would be just great.
The "Funds For Fun" site is located here: http://www.skolov.front.ru
need your help.cross-posted er... almost everywhere Current Mood: optimistic
|Thursday, September 30th, 2004|
I need help.
To make a long story short... I just got out of a 3 year abusive relationship, which left me the single mother of one wonderful little boy, Aidan (he'll be 2 in November). Paying for diapers, groceries, etc. wasn't a problem while I was in the relationship, but for my own health I had to get out of that.
Now, my problem is, I'm working, but I can't afford diapers, food, warm clothes, or anything I need for my son. I can barely afford the gas money to get to work, on top of babysitting $ and food.
I guess what I'm asking, and I'm sorry if I'm coming off sounding like a beggar... but if there is anyone out there who is better off than I am, if you could help me out in any way, I'd be VERY thankful. I don't have much support from my family and I really don't have any friends who could help me out, most of them are younger than I am anyways.
This is my last resort. If you could please help me, my email is firstname.lastname@example.org, or I could email you if you comment with your email address.
Again, I'm sorry for asking, I just don't know where else to turn.
~* Laura *~ Current Mood: scared
|Tuesday, August 10th, 2004|
|Friday, May 28th, 2004|
I'm starting a community and trying to get people to join. Its a community where people can come and just say random shit, ask advice, etc. I made it cause everyone else are suck tight asses when it comes to the rules so thats why there aren't many rules here. Please Join :) http://www.livejournal.com/community/no_rules_here/
is the link.
|Wednesday, December 17th, 2003|
Hello everyone I have a prayer request. I ask that you pray that I will be able to pass all of my classes so I can graduate tomorrow. I have been having a hard time this semester and I don’t want to come back next semester for just one class witch is all i am worried about. I am already a second year senior. I ask that you please pray for me even if your not religious.
Anna Current Mood: melancholy
|Tuesday, December 9th, 2003|
I figured I could share my problems here and get some advice since my friends are all biased towards my side. by the way this is a great idea for a community.
About 2 weeks ago my girlfriend and I decided to split up because we had been fighting an unsual amount lately. We had been going out for 2 years one month and for the majority of the time it was a long distance relationship. We met before she went into the army but after she signed up to go. She thought that had gotten out of going until they called her up 2 weeks before she had to leave and surprise she had to go. I didn't know she was going and I don't know if I would have got into a relationship with her if I did but it happened anyway. We started going out in October althougth we had known each other and talked before then and she left Nov. 1st for boot camp. We continuted the long distance and would see each other every other weekend since she was eventually stationed in GA and I live in FL (going to college). We stayed together even through her going to Iraq for 9months. Right before we broke up she had just got back, she left Feb 3rd of 03 and came back In september. The problem I am having is that we still love each other and its obvious but the distance is ripping us apart. I would love to move there but I can't with school and I would love for her to move here but she can't. We have been talking off and on through the last few weeks and its obvious we still love each other but we its so hard. One day she wants to get back together and then the next she doesn't and its the same with me. We both have told the other we miss them and love them but at the same time we don't think we should get back together because things were so messed up towards the end. She will call me sometimes and its so wonderful talking to her and I love it but then other times it breaks my heart. I dont' know what to do because she has even told me that if she was out of the army we would be together but she still has at least 1 1/2 years. She is going away to Korea in January for a month or so just for a small mission and so I feel like maybe after she comes back things will be worked out. This is really hard to sum everyhting up into this little post but we have been going back and fourth...up and down and she reads my journal and so she knows how I feel. The problem is that sometimes she will call me and be a complete jerk to me and I have to ask myself who am I talking to? and other times she is perfect...she talks about how gorgeous I am and how she misses me and the things I did for her. I dont know what to do and neither does she. I asked her what happened how did we go wrong and she says that alot has to do with distance and a lot has to do with the fact that she thinks we both need to grow up..I am 19 she is 20. Yes that is young but age doesn't mean anything. I miss her a lot and I know over Christmas break she will be home and I am not sure what is going to happen and I don't know how to act with her on the phoen anymore. I don't konw if I should even talk to her because she needs "space to think" but then again seh calls me and then asks "why didnt you cal me" its hard I know because she goes back and forth and I guess thats one of my biggest problems. If you can give me any advice at all it would be helpful. I am so use to talking to her at least for an hour at night and its been really hard because I get so lonely. I know she does too because she tells me how she can't sleep and even when she came home for thanksgiving she brought a picture of me with her. My friends see that I am hurting so they of course tell me to ignore her and not talk to her but at the same she can make me so happy sometimes and I want to talk to her becuase I still love her and I know inside she does too. in her words "my heart is telling me to get back together with you but my brain is telling me not to" Thanks for listening! Current Mood: crappy
|Monday, November 24th, 2003|
A long time ago, there was this little girl. She was full of hope and dreams of what the future would hold. She understood all the aspects of her life. She knew about her family, her friends, about nature, and the way she wanted things to be. Then out of a few dreadful experiences, all that she knew turned all her beliefs into a complete pile of mush unrecognizable to anyone. So, you ask, what could have possibly happened to that little girl that was so sure of all that she originally knew . . . well, I will tell you.
Samantha lived in a beautiful home in the village with her mother and father, and older siblings Julianne and Jeremy. They had it all. A nice warm home, inviting family, and a small community to grow in. What more could they have asked for? Well, the mother and father wanted something more. They wanted to live in a bigger town. One that had a mall, and more things at their disposal. That is the first grim event that happened to Samantha. She was ripped from the very home she knew at the very tender age of 5.
In the new town, Samantha's new home was not built yet, so her family had to live with her fathers boss while her house was in progress. Along came her birthday, and the little family went to a hotel in order to celebrate this little gems special event. As her father and brother and sister were singing "Happy Birthday", her mother brought out her cake. Samantha cried an awful mess of tears, as she belted out, "Point in the direction of home, and I'll walk". Now this would have been quite a feet since their old home would have been 14 hours driving by car.
As Samantha grew up, she slowly saw her family disintegrate. Her brother and sister were both acting out against each other, and so began the fights. It was all new to her, she had no idea what to expect. Samantha really didn't know who to turn to. She knew that her friends couldn't help. They were children too, what would they be able to do that she couldn't herself. So she started to talk with her teacher. By this time, Samantha was 10 years old.
For a little while, things seem to calm down at home. There was less fights, and more happy things to pay attention to. In grade 6, she was asked by her friends if she would like to join the sports teams with them. Samantha wasn't really interested in the away games. She had heard what possible things could happen on such trips. All the things she heard sounded horrible and juvenile. She declined their invitation.
Then her friends had also invited her to the school dances. Her impression of these school dances was loosely based on all the school dances she had seen on television. In each and every scenario the way that the dances would be constructed would be boys on one side, girls on the other. In all fairness, that did not seem to be the kind of dance that young Samantha wanted to be involved in. Yet again, she declined.
A new girl had entered Samanthas grade, a Miss Nadine Darling. That was all fine and dandy, but the events to happen following led Samantha to wonder if it was herself that was the problem, or the presence of the new girl.
What exactly happened to get Samantha all in a huff? Did Nadine steal her friends? Yes. Did Nadine make her feel bad about her identity? Yes. Did Nadine make her wonder if she had any fashion sense? Yes. Did Nadine make her wonder if she could go on living? Yes.
And how did Nadine do all this you might ask? Well it was quite simple to do since due to all the fights at home, Samanthas ego was not at 100% anymore. All Nadine had to do was to convince Samantha's friends that Samantha was in a lower league than the rest of them, and was not to be dealt with any longer. It was obvious that Samantha did not have what they were looking for in a friend. She could not deal with practical jokes played on her, she could not deal with idle belittlement, and she could not handle the activities that they had involved themselves in. She was not suitable to be friends with them, no longer.
Samantha became really depressed. She was losing her sense of family, her sense of friends, and she was beginning to lose her sense of identity. Eventually her parents divorced. Her family split up and moved in every single direction except closer together. She got older, and lived her life pretty much alone. She had picked up a few friends along the way, but always with the understanding that even the best of friends can't be there forever.
When she started high school, things seemed to be changing for Samantha. She had a few friends. A boy she idolized, and her father had moved in with his girlfriend, and her two children. She hoped that maybe this could be the beginning of the childhood family she had longed for.
That is how it started, but that is not how it ended. In her step family, she felt as if she had inadvertently separated from the rest of her family. She felt extremely guilty, and took it out on her step family. After a while, her friendships felt the same way as her home life. She became detached from her friends, and after long deliberation decided to move to a far away city to live with her mother and step father.
It was her last year of high school, and she instantly made new friends. She didn't go out too much, but she talked to them on a daily basis. Yet again, everything seemed to be going perfect. She graduated high school, and all of a sudden, the boy she had idolized from not too long ago appeared in her life again. She was astonished and wanted to be as close to him as possible.
It was quite unfortunate that she would be leaving so soon for college. They had so much to reveal about all that happened since their last meeting. And then, Samantha made up her mind. She decided to give herself to her object of her attention. It was quite unlike she had expected. It was too uncomfortable, and she was clueless as to what was really happening. She left feeling confused, and a tad careless.
Samantha left for college leaving behind her family and the life that she once knew. It was her time to change and begin a future worthy of looking to. She did so, until she heard the news. She was pregnant. What was she going to do? She didn't believe in abortion, or adoption. The only option it seemed to be was to keep the baby, and figure things out along the way. She would have to leave college, but where would she go. She went to live with her fathers mother. Both felt at a loss for life (her grandmother had just lost her grandfather not to long ago), and both needed to be put back in their place. It seemed to be the perfect way to reignite passion back in their lives.
It didn't work. It only proved to Samantha that things were really bad.
Her daughter was born and Samantha named her Ruby. Due to financial difficulty Samantha had to move back in with her mother and step father. That was a recipe for disaster. Samantha was not in the best shape, and she did not know how to take care of a child. It was all new to her, how was she expected to take care of this infant. Somehow Samantha was not penetrated by the babies scent.
Samantha really wanted things to work out with Ruby's father, even though he had moved a month before Ruby was born, so she went out East to see what could be seen. It was a disaster. The boy she once idolized soon became the boy she could not stand. She left as quickly as possible, and tried and tried to never look back.
Now, Samantha is in university. She has looked back on her life, and looks around and she sees the place she landed up in. She wonders often if she would have ended up here anyway, regardless of anything she could have done to prevent it. Its not too hard to imagine why Samantha feels so unclear of her future ambitions. All her life nothing has ever been too concrete. She has always felt that the ground was forever moving from underneath her, and always at the most inopportune times. She has wanted to be a marine biologist, a journalist, a teacher, an actor, a poet, a writer, a dancer, a fashion designer, and a singer. Now Samantha wants to be a librarian. . . next time, we will see how that works out for her. Current Mood: thoughtful
|Wednesday, August 13th, 2003|
How To Make Life Easier
Recognize that there may be certain times of the day when you feel better and use that to your advantage.
Break large tasks into smaller ones; set priorities and take things one at a time; avoid taking on too much responsibility and setting overly difficult goals.
Try not to expect too much from yourself so as to lessen any feeling of failure you may have.
Activities such as exercise, attending sports or cultural events or participating in a religious or social event can help you feel better. It is important not to overdo it; feeling better takes time.
Avoid alcohol and non-prescribed drugs. This kind of self-medication may provide a temporary "high", but in the end will intensify depression.
If affected with Depressive disorders, you may feel exhausted, worthless, helpless and hopeless. You may feel like giving up. It is important to realize that these symptoms and negative thinking are part of depression. When treatment begins to take effect, the negative thinking fades.
|Sunday, June 22nd, 2003|
|Thursday, June 19th, 2003|
Growth and change during college years produces a variety of feelings in students. In addition to feelings of excitement and anticipation, there may also be feelings of loneliness. Loneliness is not necessarily being alone. We may be alone for long periods without feeling at all lonely. On the other hand we may feel lonely in a familiar setting without really understanding why. The best way to begin to understand loneliness is to examine some of the ways people experience it. You may feel lonely when:
you're alone and you don't feel you have a choice not to be; you feel that you're lacking attachments you had in the past; you are facing changes in your life--a new school, town, job, or other changes; you feel there's no one in your life with whom you can share your feelings and experiences; your self-perceptions are that you're unacceptable, unlovable, not worthwhile even if others don't share those perceptions.
Misconceptions About Loneliness
Loneliness can be made more intense by what you tell yourself it means. College students are particularly susceptible to the following misconceptions regarding loneliness:
"Loneliness is a sign of weakness, or immaturity."
"There's something wrong with me if I'm lonely. These should be the best years of my life."
"I'm the only one who feels this way."
If you believe these misconceptions you may believe that loneliness results from a defect in your personality. Research suggests that college students who think of loneliness as a defect tend to have the following difficulties:
- Greater difficulty in taking social risks, in asserting themselves, in making phone calls to initiate social contact, in introducing themselves to others, in par-ticipating in groups, and in enjoying themselves at parties.
- Less skill in self-disclosure, less responsiveness to others, and a greater tendency to approach social encounters with cynicism and mistrust.
- More likelihood of evaluating themselves and others in negative terms and more tendency to expect others to reject them.
Lonely students often report feeling depressed, angry, afraid, and misunderstood. They may become highly critical of themselves, overly sensitive or self-pitying, or they may become critical of others, blaming others for their situations.
When these things happen, lonely students often begin doing things which perpetuate their loneliness. Some students, for example, become discouraged, lose their sense of desire and motivation to get involved in new situations, and isolate themselves from people and activities. Other students deal with loneliness by becoming too quickly and deeply involved with people and activities without evaluating the consequences of their involvement. They may later find themselves in unsatisfying relationships or over-committed to academic or extracurricular activities.
What To Do About Loneliness
The alternative to viewing loneliness as a defect or as an unalterable personality characteristic is to recognize that loneliness is something that can be changed. It is also important to know that loneliness is a common experience. According to a recent national survey, one quarter of all adults experience painful loneliness at least every few weeks, and the incidence among adolescents and college students is even higher. Loneliness is neither a permanent state nor "bad" in itself. Instead it should be viewed more accurately as a signal or indicator of important needs that are going unmet.
You, or anyone, should take action when important needs aren't being met. Begin by identifying which needs are not being met in your specific situation. Your loneliness may result from a variety of needs. It may involve the need to develop a circle of friends or a special friend. It may involve learning to do things for yourself, without friends. Or it may involve learning to feel better or more content about yourself in general.
There are a number of ways to begin meeting your needs for friendship. Consider the following:
Remind yourself that your loneliness will not last forever.
In doing the things you ordinarily do in the course of your daily schedule, look for ways to get involved with people. For example, you can:
Eat with others.
Sit with new people in class.
Find a study or exercise partner.
Put yourself in new situations where you will meet people. Engage in activities in which you have genuine interest. In so doing you will be more likely to meet the kind of people you are interested in meeting, people with whom you have something in common.
Make use of resources. Find out about organizations and activities that interest you. Examples are clubs, churches, part time jobs, and volunteer work. Ask for ideas from someone who has been around longer than you have.
Work at developing your social skills. Practice getting to know others and letting them know you.
Don't judge new people on the basis of past relationships. Instead, try to see each person you meet from a new perspective.
Intimate friendships usually develop gradually as people learn to share their inner feelings. Avoid rushing into intimate friendships by sharing too quickly or expecting that others will. Let the process develop naturally. Value all of your friendships and their unique characteristics rather than believing that only a romantic relationship will relieve your loneliness.
Think of yourself as a total person. Don't neglect other needs just because your companionship or friendship needs are not being met.
Make sure you follow habits of good nutrition, regular exercise, and adequate sleep. Don't let academics, hobbies, and other interests slide.
Use your alone time to get to know yourself. Think of it as an opportunity to develop independence and to learn to take care of your own emotional needs. You can grow in important ways during time alone.
Use your alone time to enjoy yourself rather than just existing until you will be with others. Avoid merely vegetating--deal with your situation actively. Recognize that there are many creative and enjoyable ways to use your alone time.
Whenever possible, use what you have enjoyed in the past to help you decide how to enjoy your alone time now.
Keep things in your environment (such as books, puzzles or music) that you can use to enjoy in your alone time.
Explore the possibility of doing things alone that you usually do with other people (like going to the movies).
Don't decide ahead of time how you're going to feel about an activity. Keep an open mind.
In summary don't define yourself as a lonely person. No matter how bad you feel, loneliness will diminish or even disappear when you focus attention and energy on needs you can currently meet and when you learn to develop new ways to meet your other needs. Don't wait for your feelings to get you going--get going and good feelings will eventually catch up with you. Current Mood: hopeful
|Tuesday, June 10th, 2003|
I don't normally post in a place like this.. and I see that as of right now you're the only other member... but your description appealed to me as what I really need right now..
I'll explain. My girlfriend and I have been together for about 4 months now, since Feb.. and we've known each other before that. She lives in TX and I in PA.. so we don't get to see each other very often. I went to see her for a while in March and it was wonderful. She's a bit older then me (23 to my 19 at the time, 20 now) but that doesn't bother either of us one bit.
The problem: She had to move back in with her parents. I know she hates it there. The problem is.. she is under a lot more stress because she's there, and I am under a lot more stress because she is. Thing is, she deals with stress by internalizing the problems and dealing with them.. I deal with stress by reaching out to others and talking about it.. so, when I try to talk to her about it it breaks the need that she has to keep it inside of herself.. and I try not to talk about it, but it just makes me feel so empty and cold..
I love this girl so much.. and we compliment each other so well in most ways that I hate to think this is comming between us. If one of us or the other was in a little better shape this wouldn't be a problem because we can be there for each other.. I'm just scared that I am going to lose her because of this, and because of how I am acting. I just don't know what to do, and I need to talk to someone about it so badly..
Thanks for reading and listening.. if you want to talk, I'd love to talk back.
edited to add that I block everyone not on my buddy list in AIM, but post here and I'd be happy to add you.. Current Mood: scared
|Sunday, June 8th, 2003|
I hear you.
Have you ever felt lost or lonely? Have you ever needed support or a friend? Are you afraid and need to share that? You're not alone. Someone does care.
Please feel free to join this community for support or to give it.